I would consider myself to be fortunate to have discovered golf relatively late in my life. Before golf I was a swimmer from the town of Kingston Upon Thames who won two County Championships at 100mts Butterfly and trained at Crystal Palace at the School of Excellence alongside Gold medal Olympians such as Adrian Moorehouse and Margaret Kelly. After this I set my sights on becoming a stuntman at Pinewood studios after being inspired by the James Bond film Gold finger at the age of ten having walked in to my parent's living room only to see an oriental assassin projected from a 1964 Aston Martin DB5 by Sean Connery.
I tell you this not to send you to sleep with two of my childhood experiences but to relay to you that I really do find golf incredibly boring compared to the adventurous childhood I had. For example I find the monotony of the 'pundits' we have to suffer on TV almost life sapping. They are rather supine bunch who either sit on the fence protecting their paychecks or shielding their lack of 'conversation' by throwing daft questions that any 8th grader could answer whilst thumbing through the latest pages of Razzle: 'Do you fancy your chances Tiger?' springs to mind. Take the one woman Tiger Woods fan club for example commonly known as the forever apologetic Kelly Tilghman.
How many more times do Tweeters have to suffer her subservient tweet bites about Tiger that relay nothing more than opportunistic drivel such as this nutmeg on Jan 9th: 'Got a car service. My driver introduced himself to me and said "My name is Earl". Had to giggle a little.
Yes, well Kelly after reading that I couldn't wait to call all my friends and tell them what you had tweeted if only I could have got up from the floor after weeing myself with convulsive tears of laughter. Brandel Chamblee has a far better idea of commentary and conviction if only he knew what he was taking about and Johnny Miller, a golfer who won only two majors yet talks as though no one apart from Nicklaus could wipe his boots, slaps down anything that doesn't fit his eye. Johnny wake up, there's not a golfer in the top 30 in the World now you could have beaten year to year. Tim Rosaforte and Dan Jenkins represent golf journalism at its best; truthful and hardworking for great information (Rosie) and no safe (Jenkins). Apologies, I digressed……
Other than the time of the two Great Wars, there has never been a more fragile, a more uninteresting or time consuming period to play golf. We have time famines, we have money famines, we have children commitments, we have work obligations and so the list goes on and on; even those 'in' the game find it hard in today's rigorous lifestyle to peg it up on a weekend and enjoy the challenge you once had without feeling a twinge of guilt. Maybe it's just me and because I am now 41 and in the throws of family and business that my point could possibly mean nothing to a twenty two year old single guy who follows Kelly Tilghmans every punched witticism.
Whilst technology has moved on and golf courses lengthened the actual nature and mechanism of the game has not developed alongside our advancement as humans. Allow me a fifteen year window here to make a point because that's all I really need. Fifteen years ago the internet was in its infancy; this was the age of information technology, little did we know (maybe with the exception of Gates and Jobs) that we would all be inextricably tied to our Blackberry's and iPhone's feeling unbearably alone without them. So many people cannot switch off their 24/7 connection with the World for four hours. This is an interruption to the game. Kids now have home entertainment systems; it's easier for parents now to say to the kid after a hard day's work 'You know what, I'm a little tired for nine holes now Jack how about tomorrow, go and play the XBox?' This is an interruption to the game. With the economy in freefall every employer is now demanding 'blood toil, tears and sweat' as Winston Churchill put it from their employees to justify their salaries; you are now on the job 24/7 whether you like it or not. This is an interruption to the game.
And yet we still have archaic granddads on committee's ruling against junior play at weekends whilst suppressing and limiting the club professional to shop duties. The profession head professionals are in now is not golf; its retail management at its most dire as he / she battles their way with EBay, On-Line retail stores and Discount outlets. Technology has moved, Bureaucracy has flourished and Creativity and Passion has died.
Take a look at the picture below. It shows five caddies having a chipping competition whilst waiting for the members to show up for their rounds. I took this on a recent visit to Malaysia getting some players ready for Asian Tour School. The average age of these guys was probably thirty five; so the question begs….how do thirty five year old adults still have the vision, creativity and passion that juniors have? Firstly they haven't been suffocated by rules made up by people who cannot play the game. My memory ignites….remember this one: 'The back tees are reserved only for the members at the weekends!' or how about this 'No Juniors before 1pm on Saturdays and Sundays!' These caddies were having so much fun inventing shots from the tarmac, hitting from the ice pants and chopping at plug lies in bunkers it raised a smile because they are experiencing a joy no committee member will ever feel enforcing rules with intimidating stares. I'd rather shovel shit uphill than play with these trainee corpses.
Portmarnock Golf Links in Ireland was challenged in recent times over its 'no dogs and no woman' policy at the club. Could a clearer example be identified of the stupidity, even of a private club tying the veins of any new blood emerging in this rich area of Irish turf only miles from Dublin City center? The non woman policy is more prevalent than you think; click on this link: http://law.wustl.edu/wugslr/issues/volume6_1/p181Song.pdf
It doesn't take Solomon to work out that if females are not allowed in the golf club, woman will feel less inclined to want to drop their son (no daughters allowed remember) off due to protest and the bad taste left in their mouths from discrimination. 50% of the population are immediately erased from the game due to old British Military rules written by people not living in the real World. Once again, the way humans have developed since 1754 is made apparent when we consider the equality we now have in the work place and in politics, yet in the dingy office of the club secretary or the smoke filled chambers of the men's bars common thinking remains deprived of realism and apparently oxygen. Woman in the past were subservient in nature to the male who from 9 to 5, five days a week earned the bread and the right to do what he liked at the weekends. Woman's lives are now just as, if not more active and vibrant as men's; whether you're a Tory or Labourite, woman Worldwide can thank Margaret Thatcher in recent times for breaking down stereotypical biases against legitimate female participation.
No individual or 'in crowd' at a club should hold court anymore over restrictive thinking in regard to the growth of the game. As a visionary with a accurate imagination, I will tell you that by the time I reach sixty five years old 'golf CLUBS' will be replaced by 'Golf Centres' in which family becomes the games new message and mission. Golf clubs must be more welcoming, they must evolve with 21st century thinking and they must offer facilities liked crèche's, less formal dining, more fun activity and not just 'golf'….the list goes on.
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